Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Love Marriage or Arrange Marriage: what is right?

This is an article which is argument on the ever burning topic of Love Marriage or Arrange Marriage…

Marriage is an association of a male and a female to lead a new life living under one roof and reproduce the future generations. It is a most important aspect of a civilized society which has been changing with the span of time. It is not the education which is changing the meaning of marriage but it is the perception or rather unnecessary freedom which is being provided to the children and thus the whole institution of marriage is changing vigorously.
Marriage has been the most celebrated occasion of the society where in many of the friends and relatives are called in and the enjoyment is on the threshold for all. The marriage is not only a union of a male and female but it is also an association of the two families to which these two belong.
Marriage has an important meaning in the civilized society and this is the only reason which permits a young male and female to live under one roof on their own and above all the most important aspect of marriage is that they both are to share a same bed. To this concept of marriage George Bernard Shaw said, “Marriage is legal prostitution!” Many don’t agree with this statement but it is a fact which is legal in this changing society where now live in relationship is becoming a fashion.
Now this institution of marriage is losing its authenticity. The western world has entirely changed the meaning of the word marriage. In the western society marriage is synonym to legal sexual relationship. There marriage is solemnized when the couples have a child out of wedlock. The relation between a boy and a girl is free and all have sex before marriage. It was in the early 21st century when the mothers of the west used to take their daughters to doctors if they were not going on date. Now this culture is becoming a curse for the western world which is having huge number of illegitimate children. In London the population of the illegitimate children in on increase and the government is much concerned about it. In the western world, digamists are more to be found.
But on the other side of the globe i.e. India and the neighbouring countries of this rich cultured country, the system of marriage is considered to be holy even today in this changing world. Most of the marriages are conducted with the connivance of the parents. The bride or the bridegroom is selected by the parents and their decision is considered to be final. This system is termed as arrange marriage. The parents of the girl are in search of an eligible bachelor or the parents of the groom are in search of a suitable bride. This is a tedious process but it is part of the rich culture and the finally the marriage is solemnized with great dignity and gravity.
On the other hand there is an influential system of marriage which is coming into fashion i.e. love marriage. A girl and a boy select their life partner and marriage takes place without the approval of the parent of both the bride and the bridegroom in many cases. The marriage may be in the same caste or out of caste for the girl and the boy which is highly objectionable to the parents of both.
There are many problems in a love marriage in comparison to that in a arrange marriage. I am of the opinion that love is real only in marriage, before it is only infatuation or sexual attraction. The younger generations have been arguing that one should know their life partner before marriage and thus love is must before marriage. But the worst part of love marriage is that this has more number of divorces, if understanding was concrete then why there is increase in divorce cases in love marriages? This proves that one cannot understand everything about a person before the two are living together under one roof. One cannot know a person in and out till you are living with a person 24x7. And when after love marriage partners live together they get to know the reality of a person and thus they find that the things are not to their expectation. One can only love a person when you are living with a person and finally understand the person on the whole while facing the problems of life mutually.
Many argue that marriage is a compromise to which I don’t agree. If holiest thing on this planet Earth is defamed by the word compromise then one has not understood the meaning of word marriage. Marriage is one way of sacrifice wherein the female has to render in most of her and thus she should be respected for the same. She has to say farewell to her parental home and join a new family of the groom which is having all the new faces, culture, ideology, etc for her. The only person who is responsible for her wellbeing is the groom with whom she is tied in a nuptial knot. The groom as a good partner should make his other half–according to Hinduism wife is considered to be the other half of the husband–understand to the culture and the rituals of the new house to which she has joined in after marriage. Both the partners are concordant to each other and thus they are the one who should introduce the other to their families and the different cultures. Mostly the problem in the arrange marriage are least as mostly both the families are known to each other and there in not much about the changing culture or rituals. If the bride’s and the bridegroom’s are families are not known then it is the parents who play a bonding role and keep harmony in marriage. Marriage is conjugality union when both the partners are mature and believe in the institution of marriage on the whole.
Arrange marriage or Love marriage is a debate which is never ending but the sane brains have to find out the best of amongst both and educate the generation to the positive aspect of the one. No matter the votes of to the love marriage might be more, but here a couplet of Urdu is more appropriate:
Ab kahan pyar mein pakeezgi ka namo nihan;
Jism ki bhook hai aur iske siwa kuch bhi nahi.
Meaning: Pure or divine love is missing nowadays;
It is only physical attraction nothing beyond it.
Marriage is an institute which has two things which are the sole of it:
  1. Understanding
  2. Faithfulness
Both these feelings are must which is there in a love marriage before marriage and when actually marriage takes place the pan in not as hot as expected.
Whereas in arrange marriage these two things are developed post to wedlock and with span of time there is increase in the same.

This article is written for Sony TV's show 'LoveYa Arrange Marriage' contest on Indibloggers.
Visit http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange.
Kindly refer Indiblogger for this contest.
Courtesy: Sony TV Shows - Tele-serial Picture.


  1. Very well written...but nowadays instead of taking tension is it love or arrange marriage bigger tensions has become what external factors will affect this marriage...financial factors most important then other family problems they all effect and make a marriage successful or unsuccessful...but problem is in Asia are we educating our children to compromise after marriages...? Are we telling our new generation that there will be problems in married life and you have to be patient to deal them...
    Western countries has started debating over live with marriage or without marriage we sould try not to start this debate in this part of world which is called third world or developing countries one of which is developing Giant lke India because it will finish our cultural values in entire region.

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  32. The best part of this article that I really liked was that, Marriage is something that is considered "Holy" and why should something that is Holy should be a "compromise"...I totally agree that it should be something based on Understanding and faithfulness and not just Compromise,but one can't really say that majority Divorces take place in Love marriages only cos even arranged marriages end up with Divorce, one point could be that, it may be difficult to go for divorce if its arranged marriage cos the family or other relations are mostly involved in arranged marriages and for the sake of all those factors maybe its not easy to go for divorce. But in either case whether its love or arranged, the meaning and purpose of "Marriage" still remains the same.