Letter from Delhi rape victim to people

To make the readers understand the pain and what a female has to bear in the world which is for all but the male is making it to be his own. To make the people understand pain and turmoil which Damini / Nirbhaya faced from the bus to her last journey.

(photo by: Indraneel Sen)

Dear Friends,

I was the daughter of my parents who unlike all the parents wanted me to be educated and have a place of my own in this world. I have two brothers who loved me as the brothers normally do to their sisters and I remember the day of Rakshabandhan (Hindu festival) where they use to come to me so that I could honour them by tying Rakhi on their writs and they use to vow to help me in any distress, pain, difficult calamity, etc. They were with me when I was in pain in the Safdarjung Hospital, New Delhi but they could not be of any help.

I was spiritually dead on 16th December 2012 when brutal gang rape was committed on me. There were six animals who dishonoured me only to quench their lust, but in those moments my male friend was unlike me trying his level best to protect me. He was beaten severely which gave him fractures and he fell helpless. The pain has been worst not that my intestine was pulled out of my body, but even after this one of the animal committed the crime on me again. I fainted and my mutilated, naked body was thrown out of the speedy bus along with my male injured friend. This all happened with me in the country where Goddesses are being worshiped in every nook and corner, but my semi-naked body was lying on the road of the capital of India. You just cannot imagine the pain and turmoil which I had to go through when I was in hospital. Operation after operation, medication for the gangrene, shocking faces of the doctors, their whispering about the state in which I was, fainted for most of the time in the worst days of my life numbering to be 13, I realized that life is so precious and the best gift of Almighty. I wanted to live but destiny is destined, and now I am no more in this mortal world.

Now, I have all the time and power to visit the places which I have longed for since my childhood. I wanted to visit the worth seeing places of the world, I have never been to see the most beautiful building i.e. Taj Mahal one of the seven wonders of the world. I desired to take my parents on a world tour in my lifetime. But now when I am dead I think the worldly desires are worthless. Since, 28th December 2012 when I breathe last at Mount Elizabeth Hospital, where I for the first time saw myself in a state which scared me too, have been free for everything. I wondered; how it can be done to a person who is a mother, lover, sister, wife, and above all a life giver? This changed my state of mind! Before my death, I was asking of severe punishment for the 6 animals who have been the reason of all the pain for me, but now I would demand only death if really this crime is considered to be heinous.

I am free now and in the past 10 days, since my final parting from this world, I have travelled the whole world and understood the state of females in this world. It is not only India where the condition is pathetic; rather everywhere the condition is more or less the same. We are raped, used, exploited, and then thrown into this world to lead a life of isolation, why?

We are used to bear children willingly, but most of the time unwillingly! We are used as products on the wrappers of every product, be it of our utility or not. Our naked images are the most important attractions for the world. We are made to stand next to a new brand automobile which is impressive and fully covered wherein we are made to wear skimpy dress so that the onlooker is attracted through us to the new design of the automobile. Don’t my fellow female friends feel that how important we are in this world! Still, we are the worst hit, why?

I dreamt of getting married and having children but now I have many of them, the young ones who are agitating for justice in my case. I was at Jantar Mantar on 29th December 2012 when I saw a small child who could barely walk was with his mother in the chilling weather of Delhi. I touched him, kissed him and then wept bitterly that I could not get the honour of becoming a mother which is the most important gift for a female from Mother Nature. I have had brothers but now I have thousands of them who will remember me. I have done nothing big; it is you people out there who are doing it on behalf of me. I have been listening to the remarks of the politicians and other people who are commenting that I am also the culprit, unlike the ones who committed rape on me. Yes, I agree, I am the biggest culprit because I was a female. In my case they are arguing that the sixth accused is juvenile and should be tried in a juvenile court and he cannot be served with death sentence, why? He committed rape on me, inserted spanner into my private part and pulled out my intestines with bare hand. All this is important or his age is important? While doing all this he was not a juvenile? The meaning of the word juvenile is:

1.  Not fully grown or developed; young.

2.  Of, relating to, characteristic of, intended for, or appropriate for children or young people.

3.  Marked by immaturity; childish.

How can he be considered to be juvenile when he behaved with me in a manly manner?

You have been calling me by many names Damini, Nirbhaya, etc but my real name is what you are doing? Confused, don’t be, my name is JYOTI. My fellow countrymen are aware of the meaning of my name but for the rest of the world, I am communicating through this letter that my name means LIGHT. You all my brothers, sisters and well-wishers let this light never fade out. I have lost my dreams, but now I have taken a pledge that this should not happen with any other female in any corner of the globe.

My grandmother is on the bed since the day she heard about my case, my mother is weeping all the daylong remembering me, my father has gone silent and calm (only fathers of daughters can imagine this), my brothers are showing courage but I have seen them weeping in the dark room of my home. I am here but they cannot see me. Now my mother cannot huge me, now I cannot feel the blessing hand of my father over my head, now I cannot have a trivial fight with my brothers, but I pray that I should be the last one to experience all this. It is said that soul is above all affection and love, no now when I am all alone here in this vacuum I need it the most.

I pray for the well-being of you all the people out there and request you to keep your calm. Don’t fight among your selves, but fight for the reason that this should not happen to any other female. I don’t want name or fame; I was the daughter of India and will remain a daughter of India.  Government is playing cards on my tragedy by announcing honour in my name, whereas number of females is being raped on daily basis in India alone. Shame! Shame! Honour for me will be that the law enforcing bodies work vigilantly and if this happens I will be honoured. If the law will be amended then obviously it will have the reason in the law book referring to my case, then what is the use of playing politics on this.

REQUEST: 1. Please entrust good demeanor to the children.

2. Help people in distress everywhere especially on the roads,

3. Respect and protect females,

4. But females should also respect male,

5. Love and respect friends

Friends, I am all alone here but I am there in every agitation which is being held in any part of this world in respect to honour. I love you all.

Jai Hind…!

Forever your’s own

Jyoti / Damini / Nirbhaya / Shakti

(You may call me by any name but remember me if you can)